NY/NY Daily Worker - Barack Obama graciously accepted the Iranian's offer to join in the Presidential Debate process, and announced Ahmadinejad would be joining his team taking on Sen. McCain and Governor Palin in the upcoming debates.
"I talked with Mahmoud this morning," Obama said," and he will be issuing a Fatua during his speech at the UN denouncing Republicans, and especially straight talking women of faith seeking elected office. This should get us off and running in the debates by further denigrating our opponents and confusing the unwashed electorate. Not to mention scaring the shit out of them!"
Obama was asked about Sheik Saleh al-Lihedar, a top Saudi cleric, who issued a Fatua against satellite TV station owners and managers, pronouncing that it was a religious reponsibility to "kill them." Obama said ,"I conferenced with al and Mahoud on that this morning also, and we decided to rescind part of that Fatua and extend it only to Fox News. NBC was issued a complete Safe and Hold Harmless Pass, while there would be only token assassinations at ABC,CBS and CNN, probably against some of the brazen Weather persons who continue to dress in a tart like way and won't be missed."
Asked about Ahmadinejad's harsh opinions on Israel, the Holocaust and Homosexuals, Obama brushed them off as insignificant issues.
"We basically agree in principle,"he said," and to show our support we ordered Hillary to cancel her showing at the Jewish rally at the UN, pulled some strings with the Security Council and yanked Palin's Invite. That should prove we are sincere."
"As far as homosexuals," he continued," I assured him the coming sharia courts would take care of the problem, and we only had a few of them left in Congress that had been "grandfathered", and their positions would not be filled when they retire or die from some cause."
"The Holocaust is a non-issue," the Harvard educated scholar continued, "those rumors are so old no one even remembers how they got started. In fact I was speaking to some college Seniors at Harvard yesterday, and they thought the Holocaust was what happened to those Jewish Chaps at Lehman Brothers just the other day."
Meanwhile in the McCain camp, the Viet Nam combat veteran challenged Hussein and Mahmoud to a Paintball Competition with a few lethal twists to kick off the debates. "We're capable of issuing our own Fatua too," McCain was quoted as saying.
Las Vegas odds are 1:2 that Gov. Palin can put a permanent red dot between each of her opponents' eyes from 50 yards!