Written by The Scorpion
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Thursday, 18 September 2008

image for European & Al Queda Polls Favour Obama as Next US President: Both Seek a "Weaker" United States

(Strasbourg) Recent polls conducted in several European capital cities and across the Middle East have indicated both Europeans and Al Queda supporters alike would prefer Barack Obama to John McCain as the next US President. While these polls indicate Europeans and Islamic fundamentalists desire a weaker United States government, the reasoning behind their support for Obama is however, for very different reasons.

For Europeans, the favouring of Obama is based on economics in that they would like to see a "financially" weaker United States, while terrorists and their ilk actually "fear a strong leader" at the helm of US national security. Obama with his overall lack of experience in politics and penchant for raising taxes sends that message to Europeans. For Al Queda and their subsidiaries the actual thought of having McCain as commander in chief sends shivers down their crooked spines. Accordingly both factions favour Obama as the next commander in Chief of the United States.

The Swedish Ambassador to the US had this say, "I am sick and tired of having Swedish citizens complaining to me about high taxes when compared to the US and it is hoped that if Obama gets in, he will correct the situation in bringing US taxes in line with us progressive European socialists".

A spokesman for the European Monetary Cooperation Fund, Max Oetterli also confirmed the reasoning behind the polls, stating, "the European Union would like to see the United States superpower knocked off the pecking order and has high hopes the euro outpaces the US dollar once and for all". Mr. Oetterli admitted however, that "some Europeans were not interested in financials whatsoever and had merely supported Obama out of a teenage popstar like infatuation".

The strongest backing in Europe for Obama came from France, whose citizens are long known for their unique view of world affairs. Details of the French polls however, suggested a prime motivation for supporting Obama was the decades of pent up anger over English becoming the preferred international business language. Obama has thus managed to muster French support by stating he would suppress the promotion of Spanish as a second language in favour of "universal and affordable French lessons for all Americans". In an official statement Obama citing his own progress with learning the lingua franca, by notably using the word "In Lieu" several times. Obama stated, "In lieu of Spanish I would make the speaking of French be mandatory for all American children. I would do so "in lieu", I repeat "in lieu" of Spanish if I am elected."

In the Middle East an unnamed spokesman for the Islamic Radical Front described the outcome of the Middle Eastern Obama polls as "velly good. He reported by a telephone linkup that "Obama is but a goat in the land of the lion, a weak leader who would rather talk like a woman rather than attack his enemies. That is why we want the goat!"

The Oxford educated professor at Tehran University and renowned Jihadist spokesman Doctor Ali Al Hassan reframed this so-called Jihadist strategy, "Obama is most exceedingly afraid of being one who is somehow, un-sportingly portrayed as a sort of callous warmonger to the Europeans and the world community at large…thus it is highly anticipated he will be a most unworthy opponent and accordingly unlikely to take pre-emptive action against us".

Doctor Hassan also stated, "Our Jihadists brothers rejoiced with wanton abandonment upon hearing the news that Obama rejected having a woman selected as his vice presidential nominee."

Dr. Hassan added, "That is why we want the goat".

Before terminating his interview Dr. Hassan referred to various Al Queda websites that voiced strong support for Obama as President. All of them churned out vociferous propaganda with several claiming in bold typeface on their homepage, the slogan, "Elect the goat, Elect the goat!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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