Coming quickly after Geo. W. said he couldn't remember if he used cocaine sources close to the White House now report that Geo. W. Bush is pushing hard to pass new drug legislation before he leaves office.
Our sources report The Oily One wants to decriminalize cocaine in the free world for the years 1964 -1978 or there abouts. By the free world Bush is commonly assumed to mean all areas where he is in charge.
Historians are quick to note that the years in question were the years Geo. W. was in college, the national guard, grad school and on various summer vacations in unspecified foreign lands. Speculation abounds that the decriminalization is nothing more than an effort by Geo. W. to cover his barbecue, but psychologists point out that this period is often extremely difficult for young millionaires and nothing should be inferred about Bush without hard evidence.
That is a problem, as the records of the Cambridge, Kennebunkport, New Haven and Midland Texas police departments have been lost for those years. The matter is further complicated by the epidemic levels of memory loss suffered in the above communities.
The new legislation also contains provisions for extensions of the decriminalization laws on a case by case basis should they be merited for reasons of national security, economic growth or the needs of the country club.
Meanwhile in the corridors of power bitter debate rages to if Geo. W. has been speaking to and for the U.S. in tongues as is maintained by the Republican National Committee, if he is hopelessly muddled by years of excessive alcohol and cocaine use or if he has succumbed to the syphilis of the brain, a known occupational hazard of politicians.
When last cornered and questioned about the use of cocaine Bush said he didn't remember if he had used coke, because of all that was going on during the time he might have used, but he is pretty certain he didn't do any drive by shootings. By all that was "going on" it is assumed by his supporters that he means all the drinking, while others have less seemly understandings. More on this developing story to follow.