Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 14 September 2008

image for Paralympic Track Marshal To Be Charged With Jaywalking
Jaywalking = Death

The Chinese track marshal who nonchalantly walked onto the running track in the midst of the 5000m wheelchair race, and was nearly flattened, has been charged with Jaywalking, it has emerged.

Phu Kin Nut casually ambled through a maelstrom of speeding spaz chariots, seemingly without a care in the world for his own personal safety, and barely avoided being mown down.

The Chinese Paralympian Organising Committee stated today that Mr Nut will now face the wrath of China's traffic laws, and appeared in court yesterday at the start of his trial.

If found guilty, which he is, the punishment is Death.

Visibly upset by this development, Mr Nut stared blankly into the lenses of cameramen outside the hearing, but said nothing in the way of dissent.

In China, dissent is punishable by Death.

Mr Nut thought he had got away with his jaywalking, until Swiss competitor Edith Hunkeler 'rolled' her chariot and spun across the track, and Nut attempted to extract her from the resulting carnage. Several other 'athletes' claimed his Samaritan-like antics posed a major road safety threat, and he was arrested by Communist Party officials.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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