Bandar Abbas, Iran - (X-Files Mess): A UFO suspected of attacking religious nutter the Reverend Sun Myung Moon's helicopter over Thailand last month may be behind the earthquake at a top secret Iranian military nuclear bunker near Bandar Abbas.
The 6.1 Richter scale quake occured at 11.00 GMT today some 35 miles underground at a facility that UN nuclear weapons inspectors have repeatedly red-flagged as violating Iraq mess (sic) destruction proliferation treaties.
The ominous, cigar-shaped craft was tracked by Pentagon satellites and was seen powering up its photon disruptors just minutes before the tremor shook Southern Iran.
At the nearby Bandar Abbas oil refinery production ground to a halt as storage vats shook uncontrollably turning Isfahani sweet light crude into a gigantic glutinous glob of slime.
UK military intelligence sources believe the suspicious craft may have also wreaked havoc in Monday's London Stock Exchange fiasco where a bizarre glitch stopped all trading for over seven hours.
Sarah Palin's Alaskan lipstick pitbull bitch silos may be the next target.