Written by Natowsky
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Topics: Sarah Palin, doll

Thursday, 11 September 2008

image for Hottie Sarah Palin Talking Doll Hits Market...Republicans Fuming!
Todd Palin's restored old Chevy, whose back seat had to be replaced two times

HOTTIE NEWS - She was never a household name, but she is more than that today. Of course, HOTTIE NEWS is talking about the Republican Party's choice for VP, Sarah Palin, the 'barracuda' Governor of Alaska.

But, looking at what McCain said earlier today, the Presidential candidate for the GOP lashed out at Obama for calling Sarah Palin a pig wearing lipstick.

Said McCain, "This woman is not a pig and I've even seen many a pig that looked great with lipstip. [to himself: Oh, should I have said that?]. Yes,! as a kid, many of my friends and I would say, 'Let's farm it,' meaning mischief at the local pig farm. One day, we took 6 shades of Coty lipstick and did six pigs. The one with crimson red won, hands down. So pigs with lipstick looked just fine. And, I personally approve Sarah's lip makeup, so it won't be the focus when we, the GOP, speak on the stump. I know you all love Sarah and you guys would like to give her a smacker, but you'll have to first deal with her husband Todd. She is now, my friends, a household word like Krups!"

According to the Center for Unusual Statistics, even new girl babies are getting the first name Sarah in over 80% of the cases, since the GOP's McCain introduced her as his Vice Presidential running mate on August 29. New mothers and fathers are teaching their newborn baby girls and boys (90% named Palin, since August 29!) to say Sair-ah, before the kid starts learning the usual mommy and daddy!

Women all over the U.S. are getting Sarah hardos or wigs, Sarah-looking clothes (and one line is already branded Sarah), Sarah-colored lipstick (great on pigs, goats, sheep, and cows, also) and, even, Sarah eyeglasses, model Kazuo Kawasaki 704, commanding a list price of $450 and obtainable on the Internet, ready to wear if you provide the eyes specialist's specs. Sorry, the 704 is sold out, even in optical shops.

Now to the chase... KEY DAILY EVENT: The 'The Sarah Says Hottie Doll' by Mattell, hit store shelves yesterday and in compete secrecy, a planned novel launch, as is the novel VP choice of a woman for the GOP's Presidential running mate. Our reporter obtained one doll from KB Toys in a a Napier, Illinois Mall, close to Chicago.

Mattel released the toy for a targeted low retail price of $9.99 instead of the typical $25 for such a doll. Fifteen million have been produced in China and are already in key U.S. distribution centers. Said Solly Bernstein of KB, "Yeah, this here hottie doll will make history. The doll is extremely detailed, down to the flair of hair across the babe's forehead! And, it's priced at ten bucks to allow black kids' access. This doll is a winner already, and oy vey, what this honey says!"

Indeed, word spread like wildfire and by 4 PM yesterday this KB store sold out all 75!

Here's the scoop:

    An exact look alike and to scale
    2-feet tall, very stable, hard to tip over (novel design)
    black skirt and beige jacket
    Kazuo Kawasaki 704 eyeglasses look alikes

What 'Sarah Says' says is an amazing 21 expressions. Previously, the most 'mouthy' talking doll only delivered 13 'utts'(for utterances, a toy industry term).

We here, present all 21, as this dream girl, Sarah, would possibly utter in private. [Remember, this is part Democratic Party 'promo' to show what the Dems say is the real Sarah.]:

    Hey Todd, I'm horny again.

    Hey Todd, let's make another kid. I'm hot.

    Like the Gov's stiletto heels digging into your back, Todd?

    Hockey mom wantum sex now.

    I liked screwing in that old Chevy you had in high school.

    Mayor of dinky Wasilla! Got great mileage from it!

    We sure wore out that sofa!

    You know how to turn me on. Do it!

    The bridge to nowhere goes to Sarah!

    I love it when you nail me at Noon in the office!

    You always loved that S&M game we play.

    Cowboy and schoolmarm today?

    Think other political women get as horny as I?

    I like doing it when talking to my mom on the phone.

    I think all your friends have the hots for me.

    All American men want me! Sorry, you can't have me!

    I like to make you jealous, so you get randy!

    We certainly know how to get off in a movie house!

    Let's do it in the SUV tonight in the driveway!

    I was so hot when we eloped!

    Sometimes, I just can't control myself!

The news comes just days after it was announced that Ms Palin was running a 'nipple contest'.

Republicans plan to offer a 'counter' doll of 'McCain, War Hero, Just Like Rambo' with political and caustic messages such as, "No tiger cage can beat a McCain; All Dems suck; Obama bucked the Surge; Republicans are for the poor; We'll let in more illegals with respect; Obama, the fool, bounced Hillary; Bush sucks!; The GOP is now hot with a hottie; Dems are pigs and wear panties," etc. Release is expected by Thursday, September 18 at only $6.99 retail! Said McCain Campaign Manager Rick Davis, "We want all low income Americans to grab this off the shelves to get our message of great health care, millions of new jobs, great Mexican fruits, and our empathy for all Americans, even for our Iraq vets getting shit medical treatment under Bush. It was Bush, not McCain who caused all this caca! Our guy is for change! So he voted 90% for Bush legislation. I ask, what about the other 10 percent, huh!?"

Let the doll wars begin!

c 2008 Hottie News

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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