Washington, DC (AP SPECIAL BULLETIN)
President George W. Bush has resigned from office effective this morning. The resignation came within hours of a news report in The Spoof which linked the dog collars and leashes used to abuse Iraqi detainees to "Barney" the White House dog.
The President and Mrs. Bush immediately cut Barney's dog food rations and confined the sad little terrier to his cage. The President summoned Vice President Cheney to the Oval Office where presidential power was transferred in a short letter. The White House physician was on hand to put a fresh battery into Dick Cheney and then commented, "That ought to last till the end of the term."
The Bushes will be leaving for "the ranch" in Crawford, Texas tomorrow morning, but it is not known at this time whether they will be taking Barney along. Several members of the press noted that Mr. Bush seemed very unfriendly to Barney in recent weeks---kicking at him while approaching the White House helicopter. Last week Senator Diane Feinstein reported the abuse to the local animal abuse organization.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has offered to adopt Barney---and any other dog that comes with a collar and leash. See related news story.