It's unusual these days for an American mother to have nore than 2 children. The national average for the U.S. is 2.3 children per mom.
Enter Sarah Palin, already with 5! "Ever since I can remember, I wanted 10 children. I mean it seemed so natural. I've been lucky, but luck still hasn't gotten me 10. Fortunately, I told Todd, years ago, to make a huge deposit at The Big Moose Semen Bank in Fairbanks.
Armed with some of his favorites from his Playboy collection, Todd, then, spent a week in Fairbanks. Everyday for 5 days he went in with Miss October, Miss April, or some other centerfold slut and whacked off several times. By the end of jerkoff week, the bank had collected 10.5 cc of his love juice. He was really stressed out from the daily whacking off in a bare room, but said, "In the end, ya know, it was worth it! I needed my seed to be there when Sarah wanted another kid. And, I made the right move, as there were years when I just couldn't raise the pole. Salmon weren't bitin' for squat! Stressed me out!" [Note: no Viagra at that time]
Sarah interjected, "To get Todd stiff for me, we tried porno, I got a female friend for whom he had the hots to strip for him, and I even brought in a University of Alaska Cheerleader to stimulate him. Nothing. Soft as a marshmallow!
So, now I'm just going to the bank for withdrawals! It's now a sure thing. And, at 44, I have enough time for 5 more to reach my goal of 10!"
This information caught McCain completely off-gaurd and gave him the shock of his life...and it presented him with a major problem. He had only found out about it at 2:30 PM today and broke out into a cold sweat. He told Sarah, "Haven't you baked enough cookies!" He started pacing the room. Then, he told Sarah to please leave him alone.
She left and he immediately summoned his MD for oxygen, a little known fact that he carries the life-saving gas with him, just in case, if he gets winded. He claims this is similar to FDR's hiding his inability to walk because of earlier polio at age 39, although elected at 51. He could barely stand. Now McCain is 72 and he was winded!
When informed, the McCain team started cursing a blue streak. "Can't you change her mind asked campaign manager, Rick Davis. John, if this gets out we're sunk.
Let's do this. She respects you and sees you as a father figure. And, I saw that lipstick on your lips two nights ago! Lucky that Enquirer guy took a leak, so you could rub it off before he got back.
Feed her this idea: We convince Sarah to show our international bent for discussion with foreign enemies by having your 'VP gamble' adopt kids from enemy countries. You know she'll do anything you suggest. Just do it! Here are my choices: 2-Iran, 2-North Korea, 1-China." The group of six staffers quickly agreed.
"John, this is going to be a bombshell in any event. A VP with 4 kids already in the while house? No way she's getting knocked up in office. Get on the horn with Sarah and read her the riot act!"
John went with the plan and believe it or not Sarah agreed and said, "You bet, Johnnie boy! One Iranian orphan kid coming right up!"
c 2008 The Bug Tells Us All