Responding to Amnesty International's report on the war on terrorism and how it is eroding the rights of people around the globe, U.S. President George W. Bush went on the attack today, referring to the group as, "a bunch of damn, dirty hippies."
Bush urged the dirty hippies to stop smoking the 'wacky tobbacky' and get off their asses and find a real job, or barring that, have their father's powerful friends appoint them to a real job. The President then showed his trademark smirk, turned around, and tripped over an anthill while trying to make a point by walking away.
When one audience member laughed, Attorney General John Asscroft grabbed him by the throat and threw him into the Rose Garden, shouting, "let's see if you think this is funny, motherfucker....anyone else? Bring it on!" Dick Cheney, standing behind the President, could not take the excitement and had 3 heart attacks. Bush then got up, went over to Asscroft, grabbed his nose and said, "ah, wiseguy, eh?" and slapped his right hand downward with his left hand, leaving Asscroft with a nosebleed. Cheney then got up, slapped his head five times and ran in place for three seconds until Asscroft poked him in the eyeballs with the first two fingers on his right hand.
Shortly after this a curtain came down, and Press Secretary Scott McClelan came out to tell the crowd, "move along, nothing left to see here, show's over."
Two hours later, Bush issued a press release stating that he was adding all "damn dirty hippies" to the axis of evil.