Daniel Radcliffe, star of Harry Potter, has been almost-murdered this afternoon by a mob of angry Spoofsters.
Radcliffe was ambushed as he arrived at the premiere of the latest Potter film, 'Harry Potter and the Deadly Sparrows'.
In a merciless attack, the gang beat him to near-death using replica wands and hardback books they stole, moments before, from a nearby HP merchandise stall.
The hoodlums were heard shouting "Take that you four-eyed wizard shit!" before fleeing the scene.
Hours after the assault, a shoddily-made video surfaced, which is believed to show the perpetrators. In the video, a leader of the Spoofing community claimed responsibility for the attack.
The ring-leader, hidden behind a large pair of inch-thick glasses, said the assault was a reaction to Potter's dominance of The Spoof's headlines. He warned the attacks would continue unless all Spoofsters vow never to mention Harry Potter again.
I, Dick Rasch, hereby pledge that I shall never write a story about Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson or J.K. Rowling again in a cheap attempt to bump up my story viewings on The Spoof.