Written by ashalpool
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Topics: BBC, Internet, panic

Monday, 8 September 2008

image for Havoc as BBC Website freezes for 7 seconds

Life seemed so normal at 12.36pm and 20 seconds, but at 12.37pm and 21 seconds the world was turned upside down when the BBC Website froze. Chaos and rioting ensued in the streets of Britain, the biggest since a traffic light froze for 22 seconds at 12.31pm.

One distressed man screamed "We are all fucked", another chipped in "I have shit myself", seemingly the widely shared opinion amongst rioters. The rioting seemed like it would never end, until 7 seconds later, the website refreshed and normality was restored. Sighs of relief were reverberated throughout the World (which itself neraly created chaos), President George Bush especially claiming that the defeat of this unforeseen attack was "One small step for man but one giant leap for mankind".

It was believed that the attack was terrorist-linked. Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda the prime suspects. This was shortly confirmed when Bin Laden sent Al Jazeera a "recorded message" simply stating "I was responsible for the attacks on the BBC Website".

Unfortunately nothing could hide the civilian casualties caused by this "mammoth" attack, with 102 people dying as a and a further 500 people getting injured. However, most distressing of all was the story of a person being slapped in the face with a wet haddock in the midst of this 7 second confusion.

The person, unnamed for legal reasons, said "Whilst I was panicking in the streets I felt something slimy stroking across my face, it felt weird."

Shocking.

The assaulted man however saw it as a blessing in disguise. He and his gay partner had tried for years to try and get pregnant, nothing seemed to work, but now he really hopes that this fishy experience could help speed things up a bit.

"I heard ancient Aztec priests carried out this practice to assist infertile couples," explained the man, "so here's hoping!"

If not he has fortunately recovered some of the caviar and will somehow use that to try and get his partner pregnant in a fishy cocktail, mixing both his "jelly" and the fish's.

What Luck. We will hopefully catch up with the unlucky couple next week to see their progress.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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