Written by Tom Lawrence
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Thursday, 4 September 2008

image for Mirren to launch 'Nazi-Free' Cocaine Line
Fit for a Dame - Helen's delight

Los Angeles - In an interview today with 'Hallo' magazine Oscar- winning actress Dame Helen Mirren, announced the launch of her new range of drugs which she claims are 100% 'Nazi--Free'. Mirren,106, recently admitted that she stopped using cocaine when she discovered that the profits were going to Nazi, Klaus Barbie, Grandfather of the famous doll.

"My drugs will only be a source of profit for Colombian barons, Taliban poppy-growers and Street pushers who prey on schoolkids". A defiant Mirren said.

"To think that almost .002% of that 4 million pounds I spent on gear went to that Nazi pig makes me shudder with horror'" she admitted, "Nazis profiting from drugs is just not British and the Queen shares my views".

The new range of designer drugs with names like 'Helen's heroine delights', 'Mirren's marijuana marshmallows' and 'Damey's delicious drugs' will be available on street corners and in school yards from November.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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