St Paul, Minnesota - (Rabid Ass Mess): George W Bush's live viedolink address before the GOP convention was the result of a panic reaction following unprecedented UFO activity over the St Paul area during the weekend.
Pentagon officials decided the risk of flying in Bush in the fully armed Scareforce One was beyond their remit after the plane's air-to-air missiles were upgraded with nuclear warheads.
As Commander in Chief the President has sole authority for firing the nuclear trigger.
"Imagine the scenario in a possible confrontation with the UFOs' mothership!" Gen V Smart of the Pentagon's Strategic Airborne Command said today.
"That script has always been in the Bush family's agenda ever since Ronnie Raygun outfoxed his Veep Poppy by firing a nuke from Apollo 15 at a strange craft that had once shadowed Buzz Aldrin."
Sarah Palin is 44-36-44.