Jeremy Kyle on daytime TV aside, perhaps the most disturbing development to date in modern technology has been uncovered by 'journalists' at TheSpoof.com. Sneaky Russian scientists have been developing a pen that is up 200,000 times mightier than any known sword.
What appears to be most worrying is that the weapon is so small it can be hidden inside a pocket or briefcase and in a worst-case scenario, could very easily be dropped or leak deadly poison known as 'ink' in towns and cities without the use of microchip technology.
Pens used to be used to kill and maim sabre-tooth foxes in their setts before computers were invented but a law was introduced binning their use in 1989 (source: Wikipedia)
The Russians deny any wrongdoing but they would, wouldn't they because we all know they have a history of AUTHORS who used pens to write 'Idiot' and 'Check off' which is a sneaky Russian code for something rude.
We will ask the defence minister if the good old West is investing in a big sword to counter this pen threat (when we've googled who he or she is) and start a READERS CAMPAIGN to worry everyone.