Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 25 August 2008

image for China Plans To Euthanize Paralympic Athletes
The Canadian longjump champion in the Paralympics naps after warmups.

It was revealed today that China plans to euthanize all of the athletes at the conclusion of the Paralympics. These games, which traditionally follow shortly after the standard Olympics, are for handicapped athletes and include standard events in wheelchairs and with artificial limbs.

Due to China's long standard practice of using euthanasia on handicapped children born within the country, and substandard medical care in their hospitals which generally do not allow people with lost limbs to live, China discovered that they will not be able to field a team of their own.

Bong Dong, a former Chinese basketball player who defected to Taiwan and spoke on conditions of anonymity, said the following: "they asked me to cut off my left hand as I could shoot jumpshots right handed. I was not willing to make this sacrifice for the team."

"They will lie about the ages of our gymnasts, but cannot lie about missing arms or legs. They tried unsuccessfully to maim our second best athletes (those who did not make the main Olympic team), but were unable to do so."

"The fastest way to get yourself killed in modern China is to request a handicapped parking sticker. Then they know that there is something wrong with you and you will be dead before morning."

With the death of all Paralympic athletes before the games, no medals will be awarded and China can claim that it leads the medal count (as it will award all medals to top party officials for their dedication and service to the State).

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