Amstetten - (Sordid Ass Mess): Austrian incest wacko Joseph Fritzl has told his lawyer that beleagured UK sex molestor Gary Glitter is his eldest child.
Fritzl, 84, said that the birth mother was a lady-in-waiting to Hellfire Club grande dame the Queen Mother.
She gave up the little bastard for adoption after Windsor Castle flunkeys became suspicious that a cunning Rottweiler puppy disguise might be hiding a baby inside its furry external trappings.
The brat was fostered via the Oswald Mosley Fascist Adoption Agency into a series of British homes where he learned some tricks of the trade in charm, blagging and getting away with it.
Glitter, 69, has gone into hiding after press reports that he himself fathered the cuckoo brat that became hotels family heiress Paris Hilton.
Cherie Blair says his human rights have been violated.