As Spoof writer, week Dan Bristol, reported earlier this week, Satan resigned as Prince of Darkness. Minions in the Underworld were shocked and appalled. Calls to Donald Rumsfeld have only returned an, "I'm considering the offer. Hey, I might get fired any day here anyway. What have I got to lose? I've got the skills and the know-how."
Anyway, Satan could care less. He took off to Boston Massachusetts and has been spotted in the Beacon Hill area with a handsome, long-haired yet itinerant cynic sage type. He goes by the name Yeshua.
They've been canoodling at local hot spots. One local had this to say, "Yay, it was wicked weeeuhhhd. I was at Cheeeaaahs with my friends and Satan walks in with this guy. He looked dirty and he wasspouting out parables. It was freaky. They ordered water and turned it into wine. It was awesome."
A Harvard-square based ex-professor said, "Can't you see it, people? It's Jesus. Jesus and Satan are gay. They've got a brownstone in the North End and are decorating it together. They're getting married. I told you this would happen and everyone just laughed. You didn't even give me any spare change on your way down to the T. It's the end of the world as we know it," he began to sing and asked for donations to be put into his high silk hat.
Satan's publicist, who also works for Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles and George Clooney, said "what my client does and who he does it with is his business. I am happy for them. They are a wonderful couple. Y'all just need to grow the f**k up!"
He did confirm that Satan and Jesus have been together for a while now, but that they "really hope that the press respects their privacy so the relationship has a chance to grow. It's hard to maintain a relationship under the glare of the media."
When asked whether a wedding was imminent, the publicist said, "I can't confirm or deny that right now. They are both at such a high point in their careers and are just so busy that it could happen today, or tomorrow or next year. They're in no rush. They have eternity together."
Rumor has it that Jesus' mother doesn't approve of the relationship. Satan has no parents. They were mysteriously killed in a hellfire.
Stay tuned to the Spoof for updates to this story as they develop.