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Topics: Penis

Saturday, 23 August 2008

image for Man with world's biggest penis admits he has trouble keeping it in his pants.
No Sex. I am too big.

Life might not be all sunshine and roses for someone as well-endowed as Cyril Clitlicker. The man famous for having a 36inch willy confesses that his exceptionally large manhood often gets him into serious trouble.

Cyril was answering questions at a recent Guinness Book of Records promotional book launch in Las Vegas, and looking rather uncomfortable in front of the many attendant journalists. When asked how many women he had serviced with his huge member, the 25 year-old eventually stunned the group of hacks, by admitting that he was in fact still a virgin.

'It's true', stuttered Cyril, 'when women see the size of my cock, it just frightens the shit out of them. I never get a chance to do anything with it. The one and only opportunity at sex was with a girl distributing leaflets for the Blind Institute. I locked her guide dog outside and then got to work, but before my bell-end was anywhere near ready to penetrate her, I was already forced to stand outside in the hallway. It was hopeless. In the end I slipped a pound coin in her collecting tin and kicked her out.'

Cyril continued his lamentable tales of woe:

'When I'm walking, I find it impossible to prevent my dick slipping out of the leg of my boxer shorts, popping out of my trouser-leg and dragging on the pavement. And every time I sit on the toilet, I have to be careful that it doesn't drop down inside the bowl and get covered in shit.'

The session was brought to a premature close, when Stacey Clapp, a particularly attractive six-foot blonde reporter on the first row, said to Cyril, 'So, how do you feel about a blow job?'

Unfortunately, Mr Clitlicker's reply was lost beneath the ensuing sound of breaking glass, as in his attempt to step around the podium and answer the question, he accidentally pole-vaulted out of the six-storey window.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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