Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 20 August 2008

image for Olympics Closing Ceremony To Include Ritual Animal Sacrifices
Preparing a bull for sacrifice

The Closing Ceremony at the Beijing Olympics is to be an all-singing, all-dancing extravaganza which will also include a wonderful fireworks display, and the ritual sacrifice of 2008 chickens and 8 bulls.

8 is a lucky number in China, but not for bulls.

No occasion in China is complete without the slaying of animals of one description or another, and the 2008 Olympic Games is no exception. Traditionally, the Chinese authorities would have slaughtered whichever creature had currently figured in their astrological calendar, but this year it's the rat.

The ceremony will commence at 13:00 BST on Sunday, with the Mayor of Beijing handing over the Olympic flag - still smeared with blood - and the bull carcasses, to the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.

Johnson laughed off suggestions of Chinese barbarity when he said:

"There was a lot of ritual slaughter going on at Eton. It was all good, clean fun! Besides, there has been a lot of investment, and Britain will show at London 2012 that it can be every bit as barbarous as the rest of the world!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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