Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Sunday, 17 August 2008

image for Michael Phelps's 12,000-calorie per day diet requirement causing food shortages at the Olympic Village; Int'l harmony undermined, says IOC
A Phelpsy Snack

Beijing, China - Publicly, Chinese Olympic officials deny that they are having trouble keeping up with Michael Phelp's 12,000 calorie per day dietary requirements, resulting in food supply shortages for the other Olympic athletes residing at the at the Beijing Olympic Village.

Privately, behind the scenes, they have been emptying out all the local farmer markets in Beijing. Even venturing outside the city limits with the military to scour the countryside, commandeering whole crops.

"It's no use," said an Olympic athlete, who asked to not to be identified. "Because most of the food crates shipped back to us are clearly marked in Chinese, 'For Michael Phelps Only!"

Concerned that their athletes are being shorted the calories count intake that they need to remain competitive, maintaining their peak performance, some coaches have circulated a petition among the other athletes and their coaches demanding that Chinese officials take emergency measures and evict Michael Phelps from the Olympic Village.

"It's getting out of hand," confirms a member of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) sent to monitor the situation. "Michael Phelps 12,000 calorie per day dietary requirements is causing food shortages at the Olympic Village. Moreover, it's threatening to undermine the international harmony the Olympics have come to represent. We may have to ask him to leave for the sake of world peace."

To the surprise of no one at the village, a Russian delegate came to the defense of Michael Phelps, demanding that he be allowed to stay.

"Why should he have to withdraw," said the Russian delegate. "Just because he's so big, strong and thrusts for power to fuel his body cells? What kind of reason is this? He can't help it that his fellow neighbors are so small and weak that they can't fight off hunger or an unprovoked military incursion into their sovereign boarders."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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