Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Topics: Russia, Bigfoot, Georgia

Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for Bigfoot Named President of Georgia and Makes Peace With Russia
Mr. Big Wookie in his mountain home

TBILISI, Georgia (FMLiveWire) - A Bigfoot from the Caucasus Mountains has been named President of Georgia and has made peace in the recent war between Russia with the breakaway Georgian states and the government of Georgia.

The Bigfoot, who insists on being called "Mr. Big Wookie," negotiated the withdrawal of Russian forces from Georgia along with US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and French President Nick Sarkozy.

"Mr. Big even looks like a wookie," said Rice, who added "and he is one smart, macho dude. His sharp negotiating skills certainly outclass me. Must be all the spiritual meditation he did up in those mountains alone."

The unanimous appointment of Bigfoot to the Georgian government came as a Russian armored column moved to within 25 miles of Tbilisi, the Russians' closest approach to the Georgian capital. But when Mr. Big ordered them to go home, they obediently departed.

The former Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili stated that we was happy to step aside in order for the wookie to take his place.

"I should never have started this mess by bombing those innocent Russians in South Ossetia," he sobbed. "Mr. Big showed me the error of my ways with those big brown eyes of his. He also got the binding cease-fire agreement signed."

In the USA, Senator John McCain said he thoroughly enjoyed Star Wars movies and was all for a wookie as Governor of Georgia.

"Teaching that wookie about capitalism should be easy," said McCain.

Yesterday, Mr. Bush did just that, ordering U S Air Force C-17 cargo planes to fly to Tbilisi loaded with Wall Street bankers and dispatching US navy ships to Georgian ports with neoconservative ideologues in order to educate Mr. Big.

"The United States stands with the government of Georgia and that wookie and insists that the sovereignty and territorial integrity of Georgia and its breakaway states be respected," Bush said.

A Kremlin statement indicated that Moscow would faithfully abide by the terms of a ceasefire.

Mr. Big, who had just turned up in the Georgian capital Tbilisi and taken over when people took him for a Star Wars envoy of some sort, issued an invitation to displaced Georgians and South Ossetians to climb into the Caucasus for a visit.

Russian president Dmitry Medvedev indicated he would be the first to visit Mr. Big when he returns to the mountains where the new Georgian capital will be located, and also where a new Star Wars movie will be filmed.

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

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