Moscow - (Lublyanka Mess): And you thought the cold war ended with Robert Maxwell skinny-dipping with the fishes in the Med back in 1990? Fat chance.
Russian Prime Monster Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin has vowed this week to nuke the living daylights out of Warsaw.
The move follows reports that his wife of 30 years, former Olympic shot-putter Svetlana Stalin Putin, has run off with burly, muscular, humunguously-hung Polish hunk and plumbing empire magnate Lech Krupnik.
Putin, 69, is said to be livid after the lovebirds sold their Black Sea nudist holiday resort pictures to Fuckoffski! celeb magazine for a reported $1 million.
Some of the images apparently show Krupnik (Polish name for traditional buckwheat groats gruel) with a tattoo of a nuclear-armed US AGM-114 Hellfire missile on his massive 15 inch wedding tackle.
A statement from the Kremlin's mouthpiece General Anatoly Nogovitsyn said today:
Maria Sharapova is 21.