After months of claims that it is "hanging by a thread", reports have emerged today that the turbulent marriage of superstar dancing rabbi Madonna and cheeky cockney market trader Guy Richie is finally over - after she spent the night of her milestone 50th birthday in a cell at Marylebone Police station.
Sources close to the couple, who have 12 adopted children, report that the sinewy icon was taken into custody after returning early from her riotous birthday bash at London club Volstead on Saturday night, and hurling a deep fat fryer at her russet-cheeked husband from an upstairs window of one of her many London homes.
Friends of the ageing show-off claim she "went ape" when real ale adled Richie, thirty years her junior, presented her with the top-of-the range fryer "still in the Argos bag".
A crowd of onlookers, who were all innocently pointing cameras at the couple's bedroom window, were visibly shaken.
Eyewitness Reg Marley (56), who lives in a small tent at the back of the house, told reporters "It was very scary. You could hear her shouting jibberish and she was flying around the conservatory doing kung fu kicks while Guy cowered in the corner".
At around 11.45pm the front door of the house flew open and Richie sprinted up the road, wearing an old raincoat, flat cap, trainers and carrying an old brown suitcase. "Suddenly this enormous pair of biceps appeared at the upstairs window and flung a huge electrical appliance at the poor bloke" claimed a neighbour. "I don't know what's wrong with her, it was obviously a high quality item".
The loose-limbed diva, who once wore a live peacock on her head to a film premiere, is believed to have been released without charge and was unavailable for comment today but her best friend Paul O'Grady declared: "Madge is spewing with rage. Guy knew that she wanted a years membership at L.A. Fitness, she's been banging on about it all year" he spat. "Mind you, you've got to feel sorry for him, he's been trying to get her to cook chips since their wedding night".