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Friday, 15 August 2008

image for Norway admits it thought Eurovision Song Contest supported whaling
Sir Cliff Richard practices for next year's Eurovision

The Norwegian Minister for Culture, Olaf Smelzovfisch, has admitted today that his country, famed for a series of "nil points" song entries in the Eurovision Song Contest, originally took part in the event by mistake.

He says: "Due to an error in translation, my predecessor of some years ago thought it was the Eurofishing Pond Contest and that it was in support of our distasteful, national fixation with whale hunting. Although, the Spanish have Bull Fighting, you British have Fox Hunting and the Irish have Riverdance, so who are we to be told what to do?

"We do now admit that most of our entries did sound like they were originally composed to frighten elephants, which I do say is one of the distinguishing features of our entries for the competition. There have been no reports of wild elephants in Norway in all the years we have been in the competition.

"We also thought that like our fellow Scandinavian country Finland, the idea was to come last in the competition."

The Eurovision Song Contest is an annual event for the insane, daring and hopeless, hosted by the country winning the previous year. It generates much needed finance, national recognition and ridicule for the host country.

It is watched by millions throughout Europe, who tend to view it with pretty much the same deathly interest that makes rubber-necking motorists slow down on the M4 when they drive past a fatal accident on the opposite carriageway.

Songs containing "Bing", "Bong" or "Bang" in the title tend, irrespective of their musical merits, to do very well in the competition, as do middle-aged performers dressed in ridiculous garb that even the most wayward of teenagers wouldn't be seen dead in.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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