Written by John Breneman
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Topics: sick, crazy

Saturday, 22 May 2004

image for Qadhafi takes aim at misspellers

Libyan crazy man Moammar Qadhafi has informed the United Nations that he is "sick and tired of having my name spelled 10 different ways."

Col. Gadhaffi, whose name is routinely spelled Kadhafi, Gadhdhafi, Qadhafi, Khaddafi and countless other variations in press reports, said he believes the spelling fiasco is part of a western conspiracy to irritate him into "firing off a bunch of nuclear bombs and maybe a little mustard gas."

Qadhafi, whose first name is also spelled Muammar, Mu'ammar or Mohammar, is reportedly "going ballistic" over the inconsistencies.

In a letter addressed to "American President Jorge W. Boosh," Kadhafi revealed that he is considering changing his name to make it easier for the international media to accurately write about him.

Among the possibilities he is reportedly mulling: Mo Hammer Q. Daffy, Mojo McNasty and Mo Mr. Coffee. Also, Fred MacMurray.

Critics say Khaddafi hasn't been getting his name in the paper as much lately with all the attention to Iraq, Afghanistan and the Israeli-Palestinian crisis and is probably just trying to drum up a little publicity.

Other heads of state in the news today:

A leaner, meaner Palestinian leader ... Yasser Arafat is sporting a buff new physique and shilling his "Ara-Slim Weight Loss Plan" in infomercials on Al-Jazeera TV.

Arafat, who offers diet advice like: "Eat nothing but mortar dust for three weeks," has also released a rap recording under his newly created Ara-Phat label.

Gen. Pervez Musharraf, president of Pakistan, accidentally detonated a small nuclear device in his office yesterday. Musharraf reported that he was "cleaning the weapon" when all of a sudden it "just went off."

Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai is seeking U.S. support for his plan to execute anyone who he thinks might try to assassinate him. He is also considering banning the consumption of Dinty Moore Beef Stew in his country.

Meanwhile, Chinese President Jiang Zemin has suffered a pulled hamstring and U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan is thinking of getting a pony.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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