Boulder Colorado - Climatologists have announced the source of global warming surprisingly has been pinpointed to the escalating length and number of speeches on climate change by Al Gore.
Once this discovery was made it was not too long before investigations took place on Mr. Gore himself. The former Vice President it seems is an unnaturally high source of carbon dioxide, 99.9% of his body mass has been determined to be pure carbon. This fact combined with the increasingly length and frequency of his speeches on global warming has inadvertently had the disastrous effect of threatening life as we know it on this planet.
Pointing to a chart on a wall, scientist Ted Scientist pointed out the remarkable correlation between the rapid rise in global temperatures and the frequency and length of speeches by Al Gore. "While everyone believes that Mr. Gore's intentions have been honorable, the evidence is overwhelming, it is an inconvenient truth that Mr. Gore is the source of our imminent doom."
President of Greenland, Sigge Johansen, gasped "This explains everything . . . last time Gore was here and spoke half the Greenland ice-cap fell into the ocean . . . we don't want that windbag huffing and puffing on our ice anymore . . . keep him away blowing up dirigibles or something . . . there is barely enough oxygen left here for anyone to speak."
Letting his political guard down former Florida Governor Jeb Bush echoed the statement of the Greenland President "Gore came here a couple of years ago and let loose huge plumes of hot air into the stratosphere which cooled and cycled down over the Gulf of Mexico spawning multiple hurricane Tipper which devastated our state."
"I was at a speech of his where it got so hot in the room when he was speaking that a frog jumped out of a glass of water."