Santa Tom Cruz, Mexico - (Ass Mess): A Russian submarine with over 30 tonnes of high grade cocaine bound for a Scientology temple in Hollywood was seized by the Swiss Navy in its territorial waters off the Mexican coast today.
The five man crew headed by veteran KGB Captain Marko Ramius looked disoriented when boarded by their captors who had used sophisticated Japanese whaling nets to trap their prey just after midnight.
The 350 foot long golden fiberglass craft was spotted listing heavily in choppy waters after its cunning conning tower was seen trailing pungent dark green fumes.
Coast Guards later found the submarine's innards choked in marijuana fumes from an mystery explosion in the craft's galley.
The crew have been arrested pending further probes.