Written by John Carroll
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Topics: Iraq, Prison

Friday, 21 May 2004

image for Released Prisoners Killed by Bus
A prisoner attempts to escape the bus with the help of his towel as others are crushed behind him.

As the prisoners poured out of the infamous Abu Ghraib prison to the bus (or Terrormobile, as they're known as in Iraq) supplied to take them back to Baghdad, no one seemed to notice anything odd. That all changed, however, mere minutes after the engine was started, before the bus even began to move.

Suddenly the door locked as the roof of the bus slowly began to descend, and after a single minute, had completely flattened everything inside, killing all of the just-released prisoners in one fell swoop.

Eye-witnesses say that the prisoners attempted to scramble out of the bus as fast as they could - Some tried climbing out the windows, some attempted to break down the door, and some attempted to carve their way out of the bus using their famed Iraqi razor-sharp teeth. It was all in vain, however, as none managed to escape, crushed into a gelatinous goo that will reportedly be served to the remaining prisoners tomorrow.

"Whoops!" A United States soldier shouted after the incident, slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand. "I certainly didn't see THAT coming! What a bizarre and wacky incident!" He then burst out into loud laughter, playfully giving a high-five to another nearby soldier.

Many countries, however, are suspicious of what Bush is calling a "complete accident". "When it said 'Collapsing Roof' in the list of features when we were buying the bus," Bush explains, "I thought it meant that the roof would sing to them, perhaps something about co-lapping their hands." He then turned to a nearby federal agent, nudging him in the side. "Get it? Get it? Co-lapping their hands?"

Bush then broke out into a fit of laughter that some reporters say lasted 20 minutes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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