After President Bush had a meeting with Halliburton executives and hearing of their plans to set up a headquarters in Burundi, U.S. Intelligence submitted that Burundi may be developing weapons of mass communication. It is rumored that one Burundi child was photographed holding what looked to be a possible war signal drum and that plans to develop a telephone were underway.
In a press release this afternoon, President Bush spoke to the nation about this latest development in the War on Terror:
"I say we launch an all out preemptive nucular strike as soon as possibul. I think we need to get all the allied nations to cooperate in this strike with us. This is a threat to all nations. If they develop the telephone, they could reach out and touch someone in the U.S, the U.K. or Canada with the press of a few buttons. We can't wait for United Nations communicashuns investigations to take place after such a bold move by the Burundinians. I'm committed to doing whatever it takes to protect Amerucuh.
I'm sure that our good friends in the U.K. will support us in this move to fight these terrurusts. Our intelligunce sources say that they already have a large stockpile of rotary phones already. We must stop this kind of terrurism before it reaches our borders. We need to send in a strike force to liberate the people of Burundi to freedom and destroy these weapons of mass communication. See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't phone one another. Free countries don't develop weapons of mass communication.
In addition, we have to stop the presidential elections in Washington! It's too dangerous to have an election during a crisis like this! We can't change leaders in the middle of the War on Terrorism when threats like this exist. How can I keep the Ameruhcan people safe if I'm not in office. I'll write an Executive Order that extends my term infed... infedif... indef... for a long time."
It has been reported that President Bush has asked Congress to write a new Military Draft bill which requires that all children over the age of five be required to serve their country in this time of crisis.