The G8 summit today approved a hot air climate 'vision', to combat global freezing, one with no definite agreements or practical plans at all, but one that is centred on wherever the G8 leaders happen to be at any time.
Jim Connaughty, deputy vice-chairman of President Bush's Council of Meaningless Conferences at Taxpayers' Expense, said: 'This vague waffly agreement will give us confidence and committments, as we go to our next lavish banquet with lots of wine, followed by lots of hot air speeches. Well, we're only trying to help in the global freezing fight.' And American hot air expert George W Bush added 'Why ain't this bit of fish hot? Global fishing is a whale of a problem in Africa.'
The blarney on climate was approved by the G8's leaders at 16 dinners, followed by cheeses and licqueurs, and then the politicians played their now traditional game of 'Who's private gas-guzzling jet flies the fastest?', and then sat round a nuclear-powered camp fire singing their favourite song, 'Why Isn't The King Of Hot Air Al Gore Here?'
At the summit the US agreed to help India build more radioactive power plants, to help the world's temperature rise even more, and to subsidise American car owners, to encourage them to buy more fuel to destroy the ozone and heat the air.
A passing polar bear had this to say about the conference: 'Hope those guys manage to get things warmer, it's bloomin' freezing in Greenland! Can you lend us a few pennies for a cup of saki?'