Rome - (Preposterous Mess): "Prick us and do we not bleed?" was the official statement from the Pontifical Orifice for Demonizing Women's Ordination today.
It follows Vatican outrage that women bishops would demand the installation of tampax machines if their franchise takeover bid to peddle superstitious supernatural mindcrap ever succeeds.
Citing Saint Jerome the Papal Mouthpiece for Propagating Male God Mythology commented: "Nothing is so unclean as a woman in her periods, what she touches she causes to be unclean."
Meanwhile the Archbishop of Canterbury has said a schizm in religion could be averted if male priests agree not to have nocturnal emissions, about which the Bible is notoriously reticent.
"Wet dreams about casting out bleeding demons from unclean women have always been a bit of a favorite among novitiates," Dr Williams said today, "ever since Mary Magdalene took the rap for difficult-to-remove stains on certain apostles' codpieces."
Judas Iscariot was really Herod's daughter Delilah.