It sounds awfully familiar, but yesterday, Superstar New York Yankees' third baseman, Alex Rodriguez, known by all as A-Rod, claimed, "I did not have sex with that woman." But this time, it was unequivocal, as opposed to ex-President Clinton's claim that a wang in a mouth is not sex!
Well, let's face it folks, the hanky-panky is on the rise, as the rich, famous, and horny guys breach their marriage vows, somehow thinking that adultery has been deleted from the Ten Commandments. Money begets power and fame and the two together beget women. And, it was just yesterday that Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook were still battling it out over the 'desk sex' of Peter with Diana Bianchi, his 'assistant.' You know, I noticed something really odd. One woman had a Peter, while another had an A-Rod. Coincidence?
Anyway, A-Rod, has one of the biggest contracts in baseball--$275,000,000 over a 10-year period--a sweet deal from George Steinbrenner, tyrant owner of the Yankees.
But, despite his hero worship, money, and a picture perfect family, A-Rod's weakness for women led him to a belly-to-belly rub with Madonna (she does get around!). Well, the one-time 'pointy-bra' chanteuse of rock flatly denied it, which would be difficult to swallow regarding our Material Girl. I can hear George Costanza now, New York Yankee fanatic of the TV sitcom 'Seinfeld,' "Jerry, I know he cheated on his wife, but he's still A-Rod, my idol. Jerry, they will not pull him down, because of that Madonna thing! Such a hero is allowed to make many mistakes off the field! Say nothing Jerry, say nothing!"
And, according to A-Rod's seething wife Cynthia, a one-time psychologist, the New York hero "put his bat in too many places. And these resulted in some real scoring giving him an off the field batting average, with his big stick, of 0.990. It would have been 1.000 but, my superhero hubby fell asleep once or twice from too much Chivas and missed his turn at bat those nights!" And, he's, also, accused by his blond wife of 5 years (with two kids together), in the divorce decree, of "doing a stripper." Say it ain't so A-Rod! Say it ain't so! "The kids will certainly get a bad image of baseball," said Cynthia.
Not that Cynthia's all sweet apple pie, as she's been rumored of doing rock star Lenny Kravitz after running off to Kravitz's apartment in Paris for 'aid and comfort.' She does like black dudes!
First, it was near New York City with Christie and Peter and, now, it's in Miami with A-Rod and Cynthia. Calling the Southwest and California. And, how about the Midwest and Rocky Mountains? You out there...ready to give us another zinger?
Questioning people at Times Square in The Big Apple, this reporter got a broad spread of opinion. Here are some shots: "Ya got here da money, so yous gets da honey!"; "I mean, you wonder why men have zippers, while women have buttons. Why do you think there's so much business sewing back buttons!?"; "All guys must get it 'cause it's in the genes. I mean g-e-n-e-s and it's also in the Dockers, even for the alta cockers [old jewish men]; "As a spokesperson for all women, I think these cheating men should be castrated. They're all rutting pigs, but, if I married someone like A-Rod, I would still like the cash and lifestyle. After all, we ladies are still material girls."
So there you have it. Now who's next??? I know you all want to read the sleaze. Don't worry, the Season has arrived!
Reported by 'Skip' Tony Gigante
Copright 2008 by Sports Hunks and Hotties