Former Cuban president Fidel Castro has called on the American government to free all of its hostages.
Speaking on his Haveahavana website, Senor Castro said: 'I have never done anything but criticise the CIA, and its criminal behavior, but that doesn't mean they should disarm, but they should stop kidnapping hostages and murdering left-wing presidents.' And the new Cuban president, Senor L Presidente Castro Marcodue added: 'Si, viva la revolucion! And viva FARC!'
This follows the release of French Indopaneurogermanoslavombian hostage Ingrid van du O'McBeattieC'rtskyevskywallah in a jungle in Colombia this week, thanks to Fidel Castro's masterly use of hindsight in Havana, which has served the former communist and all-round American pantomime villain so well for 50 years. 'Yes', he admitted, 'my hindsight not only helped Senorina van du O'McBeattieC'rtskyevskywallah get released, it did so much to help Che Guevara and other revolutionaries have such glorious failures all across Latin America. Got a light, mate?'
And the freed hostage herself had this to say, from her home in Paris: 'Esker avez-vous un Gaulois et un light pour le smoking, je suis gaspant pour deux smokes, and pour trois tasses du whisky', and added 'merci bien, Monsieur Castro, l'hindvision est superbe, je aussi predicte l'Espagne a gagner le championships de l'Europe! Vive la Franglais!'
Asterix le Gaul was unavailable for comment-allez vousering.