Mark Lowton says that TheSpoof.com is prepared to meet with Saudi oil officials and OPEC to discuss ways to address the worldwide spike in crude prices.
Lowton says that he has been seconded to help OPEC sort its way out of the current crisis any which way he can due to his considerable experience in managing crude.
While OPEC has some tried and true methods to buffer supply and demand it is afraid that conventional methods may not be up to the task this time.
Lowton says TheSpoof.com uses the Discussion Forum as an unofficial method of regulating crude but in an effort to reduce hardship to nations worldwide addicted to crude it will make a one time special dispensation to deregulate crude supply by several billions of stories per day until the current spike in demand subsides.
The consensus among TheSpoof.com writers is that "We prefer reporting current events in proper journalistic style, broken down into proper paragraphs for punchy fast-paced reading however we have no control over final editing by The.Spoof.com which may unknown to us add crude or pornographic innuendo to our stories to satisfy the salacious needs of the public for crude. Having said all that, we can be as crude as those Arab b***tards any day of the week!"
One now nearly suicidal writer who prefers to remain unknown says that Lowton either never publishes the namby-pamby stuff or just keeps the best stuff for himself anyways. He cites the example of submitting the popular rhyme for submission as a world story without any success:
Does eat oats
And lambs eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy
Kids will eat ivy too
Lowton denied receiving any correspondence related to the above, while cheerily whistling the melody, and carried on by saying he is prepared to send a supertanker full of crude to alleviate the crisis at a moments' notice. Several The Spoof.com writers with sailing experience have volunteered to captain the ship including Jenny Big T and Manuel Small C.
Some say that the shortage in crude is artificial due to speculation or hoarding of football related stories while others say that several The Spoof.com writers have been slacking off over the summer and are not writing stories of merriment at their usual brisk pace.
Lowton is concerned with the price of crude reaching over 140 dollars a barrel that some The Spoof.com writers may jump ship to take advantage of the crisis further exacerbating potential solutions to the problem.