(Manila) A manicurist who was told while in flagrante delicto that his longtime paramour had had an affair with a 'fellow' hairstylist is accused of castrating said lover in a horrific act of grooming gone wrong.
Jose Feliciano Futurama, 35, is charged with attempted murder and with violating the hygiene terms of his manicuring license.
Police allege that Futurama and Mark Manqué, 21, checked into a cut-rate hotel after a night of heavy petting and poetry reading.
While they were having sex Manqué, in a monumentally moronic and ill-timed fit of honesty, told Futurama that he had previously done the nasty with "that cute girl at the salon".
Both men finished without further soul-baring but what followed was anything but anti-climactic.
As a relieved and satiated Manqué slept, Futurama stared into the chipped hotel mirror, moodily contemplating his own stylish highlights and haircut, administered just the day before by that selfsame "cutie" and suffering, among other things, acute buyer's remorse over the large tip he'd left the little tramp.
After an hour of this, and retaining the evening's salon-and-scissor theme, he severed his sleeping lover's penis with a pair of manicure scissors.
Responding to screams, hotel employees rushed into the room to find dickless idiot Manqué on the bed in a pool of blood and Futurama sitting in a chair with a nail file in his hands, working on a particularly rough cuticle.
Stunned hotel workers asked Futurama what he had done with the severed organ.
He smiled, burped and said, "Tastes just like chicken."
Both 'pecker' and 'peckish' derive from the Latin word for 'mouthful'.