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Friday, 27 June 2008

image for Swiss elevator and escalator group mistakenly receives film award
A camera used for filming

At a glittering film award presentation ceremony held in Geneva last night, one of the world's largest manufacturers of escalators, walkways and lifts received a European Oscar before anyone realised it was in error.

Swiss company "Schindler's Lifts" received their Oscar for a "truly moving experience", assisting "thousands of European people to keep upwardly and sidewaysly mobile".

It was only when the playback on the big screen revealed the escalators in the Pilatusmarkt shopping mall in Kriens, near Lucerne in Switzerland and the lifts in the Torre Libertad, St. Regis hotel and residential building in Mexico City, that the judges realised they might have made a mistake.

Chairman of the panel of judges, Noel Talent said: "We really apologise to the members of the Academy, our valued guests, especially the bird-brains who stumped-up $10,000 a table to be here, our winners and of course the members of the public who visit Vue cinemas and pay totally rip-off prices for quite ordinary and often sub-standard confectionary.

"We have only just realised that "Schindler's Lifts" is the name of a Swiss Company. We confused Oskar with Oscar and Schindler with Schindler, if you know what I mean.

"But because so many of the current films coming out of Hollywood are so appalling, we found the film of the escalators in the Pilatusmarkt shopping mall in Kriens quite enchanting and entertaining, especially as there was no reliance on cgi scripting and special effects to get the message across. So we went ahead with the Oscar presentation."

Alfred N. Schindler, the Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Schindler Holdings said: "We were of course extremely delighted to learn of our Oscar. The film of our escalators in the Pilatusmarkt shopping mall in Kriens is a very good one, particularly the part where a woman with two bags of shopping alights from the top of the escalator while at the same time talking to a friend.

"Thank you everyone. Today Geneva, tomorrow somewhere else."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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