The Spanish parliament today announced new human-like rights for the great ape. Many animal rights groups have been greatly disappointed at the announcement, however, saying it doesn't go far enough.
For example, medical benefits, retirement, and even gay ape rights are not addressed. It is also pointed out that ape rights in the USA may go even further when considering the ape-like characteristics of many US politicians.
Conservatives are dismayed also claiming, "the great ape now has rights that people will never achieve." Some of these rights include polygamy, exemption from taxes, and not having to serve in the armed forces.
The apes themselves when asked to comment simply went about scratching their buts, and picking their noses.