Beverly Hills - Phoenix Mars Lander malfunctions have been explained by accidental discovery of the Lander in the freezer of famed singer Ozzy Ozbourne. "I was just looking for some ice to mix a drink when the thing shouted at me like a Dalek."
I shouted back the same thing, "I am searching for ice to maintain life form on this planet!!!. . . Reaaally Sharon!!! . . . The things you spend our money on."
NASA scientists say this explains recent data port malfunctioning listing the temperature of Mars as constant minus five degrees Celsius with much shorter and intermittent Martian days than expected coinciding with reported sightings of a possible human shape crossing the heavens wavering slightly.
NASA officials admit that they were reluctant to report the large human shape being transmitted back by the Lander along with other curious images resembling bags of frozen french fries, pizza pops and chicken wings.
Ozzy is confused as to how the multi-million dollar Mars Lander managed to end up in his freezer.
"How in bloody hell should I know".
"I thought it was part of this reality show nonsense, I am surprised they didn't put a camera up me arse."