Written by matwil
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Tuesday, 17 June 2008

image for George Bush Makes Speech In French
Mr Bush's French speech writer, Jacques Danielles

In Paris today, President George W Bush made an impressive speech in French to a packed audience.

'Mesdames et monsieurs', he began. 'Mais oui, c'est moi, le gaffeur! Le lunch etait bon, les legs du froggies superbes, et le vin magnificique. Le Presidente della Etats Uni - moi, narutellemental - est moi, et ma femme est Laurelai Bush. Nous somme en France, et beaucoup des Americaines sont ici, bien sur, dans sons graves, et merci France pour World War Deux et pour le surrendre.'

'Le roi de France, Monsieur Nikolei Sargasso, est un homme petit, comme Napoleon, et l'odeur de garlique c'est encroyable pres du le midgit. Ou se trouve les deoderants oralles en le pays?'

And pausing merely to drink a glass of Remy Martin with ice, he continued: 'Elizabeth envoyer les wishes bien en Anglais a vous - 'Off with their heads!' - elle est la weirdoe, je me pense. Et son mari, Phillipe, a dit: 'Bunch of onion-selling, jumped up cheesemongers!'

'Le golf Francais c'est merde', Mr Bush continued, 'et le Burger King stinques, et la place est comme Canadu, mais Canadiennes fait les bon fries et les bon equips de l'hockey. Tout les hommes ici parle comme les femmes, et les hommes kissing c'est degoutant!'

As a stoney silence fell around the table, Mr Bush added a few more things. ''Eck, c'est comme Onglottore ici, et les biers sont comme le pis d'esgargots, et le TV c'est pathetique! Ah'm thinkin' Krautland will be more fun - I mean, bon chance mes amis Frambais, et vive la difference! Whew, I could murder a decent steak and a beer, know any good countries that sell 'em, Nick?'

But watching on TV, German president Angela Merkel said: 'Please can you stop him coming here? Yeltsin was bad enough!' Queen Elizabeth sent Mrs Merkel a telegram of sympathy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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