Gordon Brown and George Bush have warned Iran not to 'act like an uncolonialised, independent sovereign country.'
Mr Brown said: 'The people of Iraq and Afghanistan are very grateful to our 2 countries, for turning the area back into the Middle Ages, and we won't stand for Iran daring to do what it wants, and not handing all its assets to us.'
And President Bush said: 'It won't be a democracy in the Middle East like American democracy, though America isn't a democracy, and it won't be a kingdom like Saudi Arabia is, too much oil for us to mess around there. No, it's gonna be a colonial democracy in Iran, and if the Iraners don't want that then we'll force democracy on them with napalm and air strikes, they'll be grateful for that.'
The statements were treated with surprise by French president, Nicolas Sarzoky, whose country is traditionally a friend of the Arab world. 'What do Americans know about the Middle East? Most of the countries there were created by the British and French, while North America was still ruled by Britain and France! Monsieur Bush, tassez-vous, espece de cochon!'
But the press conference had one good benefit for Americans, it made them forget they have the worst presidential candidates in history, and that thousands of their soldiers have died on the other side of the world for no reason. Both John McCain and Barack Obama had absolutely nothing to say about anything.