Paris, France - (Embezzlement Mess): Brunei's top mobster and fugitive from justice Prince Jefri Archer has been seen skulking at a top secret meeting with his boss George W Bush at the Elysee Palace this weekend.
The rendezvous took place after a senior UK judge issued an arrest warrant over the £3 billion still missing from the gangster's spending orgy.
Bush flew in to London on Sunday and immediately ordered the sacking of the trial judge, tearing up of the arrest warrant, cancellation of all charges, 42 days detention without trial for all the witnesses and prosecuting counsel as well as erasure of the staggering debt.
"Prince Jefri is as good and honest man as any I've ever done business with," Bush crowed to reporters, "including Panama's General Noriega, Chile's General Pinochet - Lordblesshissoul! - Pope Benedict, Prince Bandar, Pol Pot, Ken Lay, Gary Glitter, Lee Harvey Oswald, Jack Ruby and, er, Mrs Clinton," the President added thoughtfully.
Bush then demanded the immediate reinstatement of all assets that the kinky Cambodian tribute artiste had stolen from the UK owners of the Brunei Sovereign Wealth Trust Fund.
Confronted at this point by the head of the UK anti-terror squad with two tonnes of gold bullion that incriminates him in Heathrow's 1983 Brink's-Matt bullion heist, Bush was gobsmacked.
"How dare you! An international statesman of my standing? Who in tarnation do you think I am anyway? Some kind of psycho pederast who's rampaged a path through your country's oh-so-primitive justice system?
"Don't make me laugh! I'll make sure you're sent to G'itmo for this, I'll have your hide in tatters, I'll, I'll......hic! Pssst, anybody know where the bathroom is?"
Laura Bush is bald.