Today President George W Bush was inducted into the Famous People Who Are Drugs Casualties Hall of Fame.
Chief Druggie executive Jimi Hendricks said: 'We couldn't wait any longer, man. He was so famous for being out of it all the time, he just had to join us.' And fellow member Eric Clapton, speaking from the Deep South of England, added: 'Right on, brother.'
Famous members of the Hall of Shame include legendary Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett, nails-on-a-blackboard singer Janis Joplin, and delusional paranoid schizophrenic Tony Blair, so Mr Bush will be in good company.
'Hey', the President commented, 'like is the Queen gonna be at the dining dinner for druggiers?'
And Tony Blair added: 'Well, um, Cherie made me join the place, it's sort of OK, she said I kept babbling like a university-educated American twit president, whatever that, um, means. But I don't care much for that Hillary woman, I wish the Hall would kick her out, I mean she never stops talking and pulling faces, worst case of coke damage I've ever seen.'
Many see the Druggie Hall of Fame as an honourable institution, as otherwise useless human beings like Senator Clinton can be kept there while the public carries on running the world, but others have disagreed.
Speaking from her marijuana farm in Oklahoma, US Secretary of State Condaleeza Rice said: 'Hey, this is good shit, but remember not to inhale, like Bill didn't, ha ha ha!' And her next door neighbor, John 'Cocaine' McCain, taking a break from cleaning his railroad, said: 'It ain't our fault George is so dumb, he's always been dumb, don't blame it on the temazepam, blame it on the boogie!'
The induction ceremony for Mr Bush will be screened live across America, and speeches will be made by Kurt Cobain and Sid Vicious, with a guest appearance by Famous Alkies Association executive Sir Winston Churchill. And Mr Churchill himself said: 'We shall sniff it on the beaches, we shall smoke in the fields, we shall blether childish nonsense across the Oval Office with growing coca leaves, we shall nevvah suwwendah - our passports to the DEA.'
Monica Lewinsky's dress was unavailable for cleaning.