Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: America, Iceberg

Sunday, 16 May 2004

Thawed out from an iceberg floating north of Greenland, Scandinavian explorer and hero, Leif Ericsson, breathed his first breath in almost 1000 years.

Noticed by fishermen standing alone on the top of an iceberg Ericsson dove into the frigid water and swam to the fishing boat. Kran Norgidsson, captain of the small craft thought Ericsson was mentally unbalanced at first. "He dove into water barely above zero degrees and then when he got to the boat he spoke in what sounded like Norwegian gibberish. When we could not understand him he threw up his hands and began to order us about. I couldn't understand him, but I understood what he meant, the way he pushed us around."

Finally able to subdue Ericsson through a combination of threats and beer, Norgidsson noted the thousand year old Viking suddenly seemed to lose strength and dropped into a deep sleep. "I was scared we had killed him. I had no idea he had been frozen for a thousand years."

Radioing ahead for assistance, Norgidsson was able to unload his ancient cargo with no further disruptions. It wasn't until Ericsson reached the hospital and awoke that doctors realized they had something especially unusual on their hands. "We figured he was just another lunatic at first. Luckily, someone recognized that he was speaking Ancient Scandinavian and we were able to get help."

Speaking through an interpreter and finally able to make himself understood after 1000 years in a deep freeze the famished Ericsson called his resurrection a miracle and thanked Wotan for his deliverance. "Many things are so different. It is as if this is a new world. At first, on the ice, I thought I had been asleep for a few hours. But 1000 years…so, so long."

Initially confused by the technology surrounding him, Ericsson quickly became adept at dealing with certain aspects of the modern world, turning the hospital room lights and television on and off repeatedly. However, nothing held his attention for any length of time until a reporter demonstrated how to locate pornography on the internet using a laptop computer.

Complications arose later when a nurse showed him a map of the world, pointing out Norway, Iceland Greenland, and Vineland - North America. "Vineland," he pointed at Canada and the United States and smiled, "this is mine".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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