Prince William, the Royal Warmonger, has landed his first acting role as the new James Bond in the next 007 blockbuster, Casino Royal Flush.
The film, a prequel to Casino Royale, depicts Bond as a teenager in his Royal Navy days, a fresh-faced lad just out of short pants, hanging around gambling joints in Soho in search of wealthy Arabs and the like.
The Prince is ideally suited to the role, being, himself, a fresh-faced lad just out of short pants, and having just been 'sent to sea' in the Caribbean, could be said to have a tenuous Royal Navy connection.
It's thought this could be the first in a long line of starring roles for William, who has already been approached by Granada TV to resurrect the role of Curly Watts in the flagship production Coronation Street. The part of Watts was formerly played by Manchester actor Kevin Kennedy, for whom Prince William, if he wore Curly's trademark jam-jar-bottomed glasses, would be an uncanny double.
The Duke of Edinburgh, known to MI5 as 'P', has given his full support to the Prince's acting aspirations. He told a Royal insider:
"It's about time he got off his arse and did something."