Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Wednesday, 4 June 2008

image for Potter and Pratchett fans fight witched battles in central London.
Not Wizzards.

Hundreds of fans of J.K Rowlings 'Harry Potter' and 'Discworld' author Terry Pratchett have clashed violently in central London's Leicester Square today bringing the busy capital to a standstill.

Metropolitan police have cordoned off large sections of central London's theatre district in an attempt to contain the violence and mayhem that continues with no apparent end in sight.

Early reports indicate that the confrontation was arranged through Facebook and Bebo type internet sites and spoof forums by people using pre arranged passwords and call signs.

One of the ringleaders is said be obsessed with Danielle Radcliffe and has openly admitted to stalking a West Midlands man who is rumoured to have led a feared group of Muslim National Front football hooligans in the 1980's .

Police admit that they have been shocked at the levels of violence on display.

Inspector Buck Mdanon admitted,

"We are shocked by the levels of violence on display."

He added "I know you just said that but we really are. I have officers out there on the front line that have seen it all.

"The miners strike, the Poll tax riots, Euro 96, Daniel O'Donnell Wembley 98, nothing they have faced previously could have prepared them for the scenes of carnage that they have had to deal with today"

Sky news has been broadcasting live from the scene and has shown images of large groups of people dressed as 'boy wizards', as they fought alongside Amy Winehouse lookalike witches in sickening clashes with would be 'Rincewind Wizzards', Vampires, Werewolves, suspiciously lumpy looking Witches and a few well tooled up 'Deaths'.

Sightings of an Orangutan looting book shops in Covent Garden have yet to be confirmed or denied but London Zoo have sent 'Jim the shooter' out on patrol with a police snatch squad 'just in case'

London underground Transport police intercepted a large group of midgets in full 'Dwarf battle attire' on the Piccadilly line shortly after 3pm and turned them away from the city centre after confiscating their weapons and 2 sacks of stale fruit scones.

A clearly frustrated 'Dwarf' who would only give his name as 'Leatherhandle' complained bitterly about missing out on the 'Gig'

"I've been looking forward to this for ages" he moaned "I was up all last night giving me leather bits a right good rubbing, it's so annoying.

"Those scones were at least six weeks old"

Make Fergus McCarthy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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