MIDDLETOWN, Connecticut - Paying tribute to ailing Senator Edward Kennedy, US Presidential candidate Barak Obama told students at Wesleyan University he will be changing his name and converting to Catholicism.
Speaking to the gathering, he said: "Hi Wellesley-ans (sic). Man, I love Edward Kennedy so much. He has made me his surrogate son. And I want to tell ya'll that I plan to add Kennedy to my name so that when I'm elected in November I will be known as Barak Obama Kennedy and I can continue the Kennedy legacy".
Stretching the facts in true Obama fashion, he reminded the commencement audience that "had it not been for John Kennedy, my own Kenyan biological father might not have made it to the United States and I wouldn't be standing here in front of ya'll".
In order to secure the Catholic vote, Obama also confirmed that he would be converting to Catholicism, now that he had dumped Reverend Wright. The conversion ceremony would be presided over by none other than the Pope himself. Vatican authorities confirmed "By converting to the one true religion it becomes easier for President Barak O'Kennedy to attain sainthood as Saint Barak".
An anonymous Obama disciple confirmed "Having done the Muslim-atheist-Black church religion thing, the Senator feels ready for a change"