Jame's (U.K.) has learned via leaks at the highest levels that the U.S., under a plan hatched by President Bush called Project FAS, for F--- Saudi Arabia, plans to solve the immediate and near-term U.S. oil crisis by seizing all the oil and gas production assets in Saudi Arabia. The latter is the World's largest oil producer at almost 11 million barrels per day and on May 17, 2008 rebuffed the President regarding the latter's request for increased oil production.
The Saudi's King Abdullah vehemently refused, upon which Bush exploded with, "My dear King, up yours with gauze you ragheaded camel jockey. You even smell like the herd's genitalia!" Had it not been Bush, two hands would have been immediately placed on the chopping block.
Bear in mind that the above and following represent raw information and present a likely scenario, based on facts gathered by Jame's elite team.
X-111, our unique and clandestine intelligence-security directorate of only 6 operatives, is considered the best espionage group in the World today by Popular Science magazine. This 'intrusion' was X-111's most difficult foray into the underbelly of the grit, guts, blood, lymph, and phlegm of the intelligence game. As Agent 707-A related the findings to a select group from Parliament, he stated, "Blokes, this took 2 years off me life. Nearly got me nuts to shrivel. I was that terrified!"
Despite an ongoing and apparently unceasing war in Iraq, the U.S. President is mobilizing remaining reservists in the U.S. and planning to redeploy an undisclosed number of Iraq- and Afghanistan-based elite troops and special military personnel, spearheaded by Army Rangers, Navy SEALs, the best professional mercenaries after conferring with 'Arms for Hostages' Ollie North, and the primo Mafioso crime tyes to invade Saudi Arabia, just shy of the U.S. Holiday of Indepenence, July 4, when the blokes whipped our George III (what an ass!). Estimates expect a force of 25,000 to kick Saudi butt.
All land and air antipersonnel weapons and storage, including all the jet fighter planes purhased from the U.S. and others, will be destroyed in Phase 1. Phase 1 also includes seizure of all communications equipment for broadcast to Saudi troops and to Saudi citizens.
In Phase 2, concurrent with Phase 1, the Saudi Royal Family will be placed under indefinite house arrest, as will be the entire bin Laden clan. No activities, such as boozing, whoring with imported sluts from Las Vegas, gambling, and gorging on food delicacies, such as caviar, Beef Wellington, beef and kidney pie, and crawdads, will be allowed for the Royal Family or the bin Laden family. As punishment for rebuffing Bush, both families will be relegated to watching reruns of 'The Partridge Family,' 'Family Ties,' 'Wheel of Fortune,' 'The Lawrence Welk Show,''The BBC Comedy Hour,' and Mel Gibson-Danny Glover antiterrorist 'flicks.'
And, holding bin Laden's fsmily hostage is a Bush ploy to try to flush out Osama from wherever he's hiding. So far, he's been unflushable! It has been rumored that he hides in bathrooms in many 'classy' safe houses.
Once the Saudis are overtaken, more thsn 3,000 oil field engineers, foremen, roughnecks, and other support personnel will land at the airport at Riyadh and quickly disperse throughout the hugh sand pile the Saudis call home.
As no other Arab state has true empathy for the Saudis and their arrogance and they 'expect' the same Bush plan to be carried out on them, if they don't 'play ball', none is expected to intervene.
The U.S plans to ignore and boycott emergency meetings and sanctions of the UN Security Council. Additionally, the U.S. will tell France to shut up or all French imports into the U.S. will be immediately halted by embargo.
Bush predicts the price of gasoline will then drop from an average of $3.90 (U.S.) per gallon to $2.00 (U.S.) per gallon within 7 days of invasion, just in time to rescue the American summer vacation period. It is, also, expected the U.S, will, one by one, reclaim all Mideast oil just before the November Presidential Election, therby assuring a McCain victory, as the new U.S. President.
"The Middle East oil spigot will be at full open by the third week in October, giving the American people gasoline at under a dollar a gallon and McCain, the election," claimed Bush. "Oil will be down to $15-20 per barrel." But, doctors at Walter Reed Army Medical Center will then fear the excitement may be just enough to kill this U.S Republican bloke, the oldest one, 71, ever running for President, Mr. McCain.
The Royal Family will be permanently exiled in their own palaces and the bin Ladens will cease to operate their enterprises. The family will be moved to Africa, most likely Uganda, far enough away to keep them from evil doings.
Bush has wife Laura's and daughters' Jenna's snd Barbara's votes of condfidence in his plan. Bush will be viewed as the agent of change and a return to equlibrium. And tolerable fuel pricing and all the positive fallout from that, as well, will make him an American hero, erasing his buffoonery of the past 8 years.
Said Bush, "I will go down in history as the President who gave Americans gas!" That's not a great way to be immortalized. But, I mean freedom is just freedom, but gas is a ride in a slick, heavy SUV or a Hummer with a babe at your side!"
Special 'Red Eclipse Paper' from Jame's (U.K.) "Invasions In Advance" newsletter.
(Contributed by one of the X-111 team)