Hamas today refused the peace terms offered by the Israeli government.
A spokesman for Hamas said: 'We are sick of the reasonable and decent offers of peace by the Israelis, do they think we are stupid? All we are asking for is endless bombing and shooting, and lots of hysterical Arabs waving guns in the air. Why won't the world help us?'
And another Arab spokesman, carefully strapping a suicide bomb on to his teenage daughter, said: 'Yes, what have the Israelis every done for us? Apart from giving us democracy and universities, agriculture, and a decent way of living? Peace would be the final straw, we won't allow it to happen.'
Former PLO chairman and chartered accountant, Yasser Arafatfromstealing, said: 'The tragedy is that I'm dead, otherwise I'd be stopping this madness of peace in the Middle East, it mustn't be allowed.'
And the leader of rival group, the Organisation for Palestinian Shouting and Doing Nothing Else, Abbas Bahamas, said: 'Yes, the day the Israeli murdurers get away with peace is the day we all sit around quietly, drinking tea with one another - no chance, Mr. Olmert!'
Analysts have reckoned that peace would cost the Palestinians as much as 23 million dollars in aid every year, but there is hope yet that they will avoid this, by setting up a Permanent Victims charity, funded by Eastern European gun manufacturers.
From his office in Dublin, fellow Permanent Victim, Sinn Fein sniper Gerry Adams, said: 'Look at the problems peace has done for me, I can't even get on the news any more! Pass me those nails and washing powder, will you?'