Written by Joe Dent
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Topics: Animals, Eating

Wednesday, 12 May 2004

image for The Man From Monsanto, He Say No.
The Future?

The decision by US biotechnology giant, Monsanto, to stop producing genetically modified wheat has been welcomed around the world by plants and plant eating animals, including humans.

The move comes amid growing fears that GM plants could mutate into triffid-like monsters, escape from fields, hijack passing motor vehicles and invade our cities.

That such terrible creatures could evolve overnight from GM crops is not beyond the realms of possibility according to Professor Shakerattle of the University of New Brighton.

"There is a chance, albeit small, of triffid-like creatures developing from crops that have been genetically modified. I'd say the probability of being attacked by such a beast in my lifetime is about eighty to one."

The professor's concerns are not confined to a small bunch of lunatics. It is believed a large majority of the world's population is against the production of GM crops, though biotechnology companies insist there is no evidence of this.

When Monsanto conducted a survey last year to determine just how many people wanted GM crops, the results were, in the company's own words, inconclusive. With a mere 99.99% of those surveyed ticking the "NO NO NO NO TO GM CROPS" box, the company said public opinion was divided.

However, Mrs Mavis Snugbottom of Nottingham, England says that nobody in her right mind would want crops that have been fiddled with. "Can you imagine picking a box of cornflakes off the supermarket shelf only to have a huge tentacle rip through the cardboard and wrap itself around your neck? I can."

With public concern over genetically modified crops showing no sign of abating, it seems likely that the biotechnology industry will have a hard time convincing us that the future will not bring giant sunflowers strolling along the high street on a Sunday afternoon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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