Written by Mercy Me

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Topics: Olympics

Sunday, 18 May 2008

image for The End of Pandering to the Olympic Torch
Holding a torch for the olympics

A panda yesterday accidentally sat on the Olympic torch rendering it impossible to retrieve it without surgery.

Zoologist Wing Ping Pang Pong said: "No-one is brave enough to pull the torch back out while the panda is conscious. The last time someone tried to retrieve something from inside a panda, the person was unfortunately sat on and crushed to death."

His colleague Professor Hi Low Bum Chum said that the panda has also developed severe anxiety problems. "Someone at the animal clinic tried to distract the panda from the pain by playing it music," explained the professor. "Unfortunately, we forgot to remove the track by the Doors entitled 'Come On Baby Light My Fire' from the music system."

The staff member concerned, Sue Poo Pie with Chips, has since been moved to a new position at the clinic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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